I Will Always Have an American Accent

Beziers, France

1 April 2024, Happy Easter Monday!

Dear Family and Friends,

I hinted at it last week, but it is even more true this week. One of the milestones I referred to last weeks is that I have come to the realization I will always have an American accent.

Case in point, I ordered a glass of red wine from what I presume is the owner of the establishment I frequent, but who has never in fact served me previously. I said, “Vin rouge, s’il vous plait.” She looked at me with derision and said “Vous parles Anglais?” translation “You speak English?” with purse lips. I of course responded with the affirmative in French. “Oui.” She walked away and sent an English-speaking server to accept my order of a glass of red wine.

True story!

But I tell the story because I feel it is a worthy metaphor. I am struck by how deeply we feel about our roots, and how quickly we judge those we feel disrespect our heritage, and how often our own insecurities are exposed by our unwillingness to play nice with others.

As I struggle to learn French, I encounter some of the most wonderful people. There is more than one boulangerie that I frequent where I have encountered lovely workers who have patiently accepted my orders in broken French and gently corrected my pronunciation. I have encountered some very kind and generous people who are not only gracious about my poor French, but truly warm and friendly and take great effort to communicate with me. Unfortunately, there are also those who are less than courteous. I’m sure you have all said from time to time, “such is life,” or “ C’est la vie!”

Equally, I struggle with the fact that it seems like no matter where I go, I experience humans of a dominant culture, oppressing humans of a subordinate or minority culture. It is sometimes based on race, sometimes based on religion, sometimes based on nationalism, sometimes is based on sex, and believe it or not it is occasionally based on sexual orientation or expression, but universally it is in denial of our commonality over our dissimilarities. The stories about the “isms” I have witnessed are not efficacious or entertaining in the least, so I will keep moving for now.

The more poignant realization for me has been that, just as I will always have an American accent, and there are many French people who will not appreciate that, so too will my life experience always influence my perception of my surroundings. I will always have a “life experience” lens that will influence my perception of my day to day.  My love for you, my friends and family, will always shape how I experience people who look like you, or speak like you, or share your beliefs.

I truly count myself as blessed to know and love people from different races, religions and faiths, belief systems, backgrounds and life experiences. I carry you all with me, and you all have an influence on how I experience the world around me.

Equally, I foundationally cannot escape my midwestern accent, being a white male, growing up in a large Catholic family, being a gay man, speaking American English, and so many other things that are just so fundamentally part of who I am… and in the end I feel like y’all round out my rough edges.

Thanks, I know that’s a big responsibility!

I will always have an American accent, no matter what language I am trying to speak, and I’m getting more comfortable with that every day.

On the big news front, I have found an apartment that I am very excited about. It is in the heart of the oldest part of the city, in the midst of the tiny streets that are predominantly pedestrian streets and seems to be pretty much move-in ready. There are elements that are truly historic, elements that are just plain charming, and elements that just seem perfect for this new adventure. It has some elements that I will likely want to renovate, but it is in what I consider move-in ready condition. For example, there is a tiny balcony that has room for one chair and a small table that is perched above a pedestrian street where I can enjoy my morning coffee and people watch until my heart is content.

I know I said it could take a year, but I am very hopeful that this is going to be a two-to-three-month process. I look forward to telling you all about it! I will sign the contract this week and we will begin the countdown to making the apartment truly mine.

I am excited. This is another step toward what I hope will continue to be an exciting adventure in a new stage of my life.

More to come. I hope you all are well!

Bonne Journée!